Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Dear Peaches...

Every once in a while I get emails from cute girls in leggings and tunic sweaters asking me if I would consider dishing advice on this blog; basically turning it into an Advice Column. Unfortunately, I don't have industrial levels of advice to dispense within this kind of platform. I mean really, would I be working at a bar and writing this blog if I had even half of the answers? Not to mention, I'm sure there would exist some kind of conflict of interest between my recent Psych Eval and attempting to guide others in the right direction. However, after receiving an email from one of my favorite A5s, l've been inspired to leave you with one suggestive blurb regarding women interacting with other women, coming from a woman** who has historically been hated on by other women.***  If you're like me, and sincerely trying to keep your Assault and Battery charges to a minimum this 2012 calendar year, take note of the following simple advice:

Be funny first, smart second, and pretty third.

When entering a room full of these piranhas, launch into a quick couple lines of self-depreciating humor. Give it about 20 to 30 seconds to allow their panties to soften and gradually release from their anal cavity.  Then watch in disbelief as their liquid eye liner becomes a little less taut

Hope this helps. And if it doesn't, just remember the order of operations: 1. Put hair up 2. Take earrings out 3. Remove heels.

Cheerio, bitches

** bad ass chick 
*** mentally under-developed ratchet UGG-sporting counts


  1. Hysterically, this sound advice is not too different than the "Swagga" I've incorporated, with much success over the past few decades with these species. Connection? MMMMMMM